This blog is pretty deep right from the start, but this isn't 'The Nice Things That Will Make You Feel Good' blog. It's 'The Power of Truth' blog.
I ponder whether I should have titled this particular article 'What Isn't Love', but I digress.
I pray that if this post relates to you, you'll think long and hard about the relationship you're in and do yourself a favour. God Bless and have a great 2015 living in the freedom of the one who loves us most!
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7.
The harder you work at what is already an imbalanced and unhealthy footing, the less mutual it becomes, especially as what you feel and do becomes distorted.
You’ll end up feeling rejected, being confused, in pursuit and feeling like you have to ‘win’ them over and in turn, not good enough, and you’ll get overwhelmed by your feelings if you don’t opt out at the lack of mutuality. It’ll become difficult to distinguish between who feels what and who is doing what.
It’s like raising your hand and saying “Gimme five…” and then being left hanging, only it’s your heart hanging over a precipice.
Relationships that aren’t mutual are like ‘restricted’ love. You’re never free to just to love and enjoy it. You’re free to let your imagination and even your libido run wild, it’s just that it’s incredibly painful when you realise that you’ve far outpaced reality.
You can be in love on your own but you actually can’t have a mutual relationship; one with love, care, trust, respect and shared values, on your own. Real, mutual love doesn’t have ‘buts’. You don’t need someone saying “I love you but…you know my situation” or “I love you but I can’t give you what you want” or even “I love you and we’ll always be friends but…”
You want someone to say “I love you” – simplicity. After they say it, you continue about your life together, a life I might add that reflects that of two people who love each other mutually. You hug, you kiss, you make plans, those plans come to fruition but before you even make plans, you can even get on and enjoy the simple, normal things that make up the day to day.
There’s no being left hanging. Loving someone that doesn’t step up and ‘meet’ you in a mutual relationship is like throwing your energy into the abyss. It’s demoralising.
It’s impossible to quantify what another person feels and work out if what you feel is what they feel. Any one of us can profess anything we like, hence why love is an action feeling. You'll see how mutual something is by the results. If you look around and you see the results are, that you’re still waiting around for someone to give you back what you’ve already been putting out, or that you’re in pain, miserable with fleeting highs, or you’re actually regarded casually or as a ‘friend’, that’s a poor result. It’s not one that you need to correct – it’s one you need to opt out of.
If they’re not loving you back and reflecting it into a mutually fulfilling loving relationship, it’s time to bail.
Loving someone alone or in an imbalanced, unsatisfying, often somewhat ambiguous setting is beneath you. Mutual relationships take two and you can’t make someone love you. You’ve tried and it doesn’t work, so don’t continue to force it.
Separate out what you think, feel, see, and do. How much of this is evidentially similar to what they claim to think, feel, see, and do? Remember that love, even when it’s healthy doesn’t make you Siamese twins. You can only determine this for you. Love doesn’t create an IOU hence you don’t have to feel like you’re owed if you only get into and stay in this when it’s mutual.
You’re better than this. Pain is not love, it’s pain. Love does not sell you short.
Proverbs 26:11 As a dog returns to its vomit,so a fool returns to their folly.
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