5 Reasons Your Wife Thinks You're an Idiot.

Marriages can be tough. Heck, working together with human beings in any capacity can be rough business, but in this case you’re jumping into the foxhole with someone who splits electricity bills with you and sees your junk constantly. Or less constantly, depending on your foxhole schedules.

I’ve been with my partner in crime and best mate for 10 years as of next August, and though I still make mistakes constantly I’ve learned so much about navigating our relationship. Every marriage and human connection is different, so the reasons below vary from person to person, but these are the most common areas that usually need improvement.

So, here, brave reader, are five light hearted but very real reasons your wife thinks you're an idiot.

1. You're not doing enough.

Cleaning up after yourself? Unfinished projects all over the place? Dirty socks left out? I can neither confirm nor deny that I have done any and all of these. Chipping in, even when you haven’t got any energy left to give, MUCH LIKE I FEEL AT THIS VERY MOMENT, can be the key to getting stuff done.

Start with the fun stuff. Or the hard stuff. Or the stuff no one wants to do. Just start. The key here is activity and diligence.

2. You're doing too much.

Alright, tough guy. Maybe you’re doing too much? Ever think about that. I recently read an article by a guy who realized doing ALL THE THINGS wasn’t helpful for his life, let alone his relationship.

Life is such a balancing act, but you can’t balance if you don’t have sturdy legs on the table. You are a leg. Make sense? Didn’t think so. I’m tired.

3. You aren't romantic.

Man, this is a tough one. Typically, people are super schmoopy in the beginning. Right? Well, life gets in the way and kids stomp all over you. It’s tough. But creating that relationship, boy, it's the best. Learning about each other for the first time is a blast. Maybe there are things you don’t know? Make it an adventure and figure it out.

Or just show up in a Zorro cape with roses. She’ll either laugh at you to the point of sympathy or actually be into it. Win/win.

4. You Always____________________

Leave the toilet seat up. Hog the bed. Leave the fridge open. Forget to empty the bin. Have bad breath. THE LIST NEVER ENDS. Like the list of annoying crap you can pull on your spouse, there are a thousand options for her to grab onto. I’m not sure there is anything you can do about it, but at least you can play the game.

5. You aren't reading her mind.

What’s wrong with you? You should be so evolved and understanding that you know everything before it happens. Go watch “Minority Report” then watch “Dead Zone” and follow that up with “Serenity.”

Well, that last one is on the list because it’s awesome. But seriously, you should be able to work 3-5 steps ahead. That’s the only way to stay sane in a relationship.

As Lewis Carroll put it: “Now, here, you see, it takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that!”

These thoughts could apply to any sex, really. Let’s not discriminate here. People are nuts. And relationships are like kerosene for crazy, if you’re not careful.