Why do men feel so uncomfortable coming to church these days?
God didn’t send girly-men to preach the Gospel, build churches and reform society back in the days of the early church. And He certainly won’t do that today either.
I’ve been thinking a lot about the state of our culture. I’ve put all my chips on one strategy: Men don’t feel welcomed in churches anymore because Christianity has been feminized.
As a part of a strategy to change, we need to stop emasculating maleness in men and the solution is simple. Start encouraging men in the church to be men – not women in drag.
I struggled to find statistics in Australia, but the numbers in America are staggering and I have no reason to doubt they would be relative here.
The typical U.S. congregation draws an adult crowd that’s 61 percent female and 39 percent male. This gender gap shows up in all age categories.
On any given Sunday there are 13 million more adult women than men in America’s churches.
This Sunday almost 25 percent of married, churchgoing women will worship without their husbands.
Midweek activities often draw 70 to 80 percent female participants.
As many as 90 percent of the boys who are being raised in church will abandon it by their 20th birthday. Many of them will never return.
More than 90 percent of American men believe in God, and five out of six call themselves Christians. But only two out of six attend church on any given Sunday. The average man accepts the reality of Jesus Christ, but fails to see any value in going to church.
These are absolutely frightening statistics, but they are not surprising.
The spinoff effects of this reality can be seen in our families (or at least what’s left of them), our schools, our clubs and in the prisons of our society. And ironically, with the death of genuine masculinity, an increasing number of young men are seeking to reclaim their manhood in homosexuality.
On a cultural level, we all know that the idea of a “real man” has almost been beaten out of our social consciousness. Men are objects of scorn and vilification. Watch any TV commercial or sitcom and you’ll witness a barrage of attacks, all designed to assault the dignity of real masculinity and the historic male role model as provider and protector.
I’m not saying anything new here. Many have already made this point, some much better than I, but what concerns me isn’t that broader culture has rejected masculinity, it's that the church has aided and abetted this concept of manhood, and it’s not just the liberal churches that are guilty either.
All too often the pastoral “role model” in evangelical circles mirrors that “Simpson’s” character, the Rev. Love Joy. Our pastors are either quaint, odd, harmless pushovers, or they are slick metrosexual types who can cry at the drop of a hat – literally – but have absolutely no courage to stand up against real evil or teach the truth with authority.
They’ve suppressed godly male assertiveness, opting instead to “be nice.” They have forfeited their calling to “speak the truth” in the interest of political correctness. And they have decided that manipulating people with emotional self-help books and anecdotal sermonizing is better for the bottom line than training and teaching the men in their congregations to be leaders and warriors for Christ. And as a result, the church is suffering from a death of real men.
Is feminism to blame?
No doubt feminism is a force of evil in society. It is evil not because it has tried to establish equality. Rather it is precisely because it hasn’t established equality that it is guilty of perpetrating a fraud. What feminism has succeeded in doing is to convince both sexes that the only masculine identity that is valuable is an effeminate male. That in fact, the only way for equality to exist is for men to be like women, or simply not to exist.
Now, we can blame the feminist movement all we want – but it won’t change a thing because in the end, men have embraced their own feminisation. Men have done this to themselves because they have become soft and lazy.
Men are far more interested in accommodating the women’s movement than in asserting their masculinity. And whether that’s because we want to be “popular with the girls,” because we are too insecure and unsure about leading, or if it comes out of sheer exasperation – “You want to take over the leadership? Go ahead, I just don’t want to argue anymore” – we’ve conceded our role in family, church and society.
But let’s be clear about one thing: We had no right to palm off that responsibility.
The solution is very simple: Men need to be men again. They need to take up their responsibility the way God intended them to behave. And the church needs to re-learn how to help them do that again.
The typical U.S. congregation draws an adult crowd that’s 61 percent female and 39 percent male. This gender gap shows up in all age categories.
On any given Sunday there are 13 million more adult women than men in America’s churches.
This Sunday almost 25 percent of married, churchgoing women will worship without their husbands.
Midweek activities often draw 70 to 80 percent female participants.
As many as 90 percent of the boys who are being raised in church will abandon it by their 20th birthday. Many of them will never return.
More than 90 percent of American men believe in God, and five out of six call themselves Christians. But only two out of six attend church on any given Sunday. The average man accepts the reality of Jesus Christ, but fails to see any value in going to church.
These are absolutely frightening statistics, but they are not surprising.
The spinoff effects of this reality can be seen in our families (or at least what’s left of them), our schools, our clubs and in the prisons of our society. And ironically, with the death of genuine masculinity, an increasing number of young men are seeking to reclaim their manhood in homosexuality.
On a cultural level, we all know that the idea of a “real man” has almost been beaten out of our social consciousness. Men are objects of scorn and vilification. Watch any TV commercial or sitcom and you’ll witness a barrage of attacks, all designed to assault the dignity of real masculinity and the historic male role model as provider and protector.
I’m not saying anything new here. Many have already made this point, some much better than I, but what concerns me isn’t that broader culture has rejected masculinity, it's that the church has aided and abetted this concept of manhood, and it’s not just the liberal churches that are guilty either.
All too often the pastoral “role model” in evangelical circles mirrors that “Simpson’s” character, the Rev. Love Joy. Our pastors are either quaint, odd, harmless pushovers, or they are slick metrosexual types who can cry at the drop of a hat – literally – but have absolutely no courage to stand up against real evil or teach the truth with authority.
They’ve suppressed godly male assertiveness, opting instead to “be nice.” They have forfeited their calling to “speak the truth” in the interest of political correctness. And they have decided that manipulating people with emotional self-help books and anecdotal sermonizing is better for the bottom line than training and teaching the men in their congregations to be leaders and warriors for Christ. And as a result, the church is suffering from a death of real men.
Is feminism to blame?
No doubt feminism is a force of evil in society. It is evil not because it has tried to establish equality. Rather it is precisely because it hasn’t established equality that it is guilty of perpetrating a fraud. What feminism has succeeded in doing is to convince both sexes that the only masculine identity that is valuable is an effeminate male. That in fact, the only way for equality to exist is for men to be like women, or simply not to exist.
Now, we can blame the feminist movement all we want – but it won’t change a thing because in the end, men have embraced their own feminisation. Men have done this to themselves because they have become soft and lazy.
Men are far more interested in accommodating the women’s movement than in asserting their masculinity. And whether that’s because we want to be “popular with the girls,” because we are too insecure and unsure about leading, or if it comes out of sheer exasperation – “You want to take over the leadership? Go ahead, I just don’t want to argue anymore” – we’ve conceded our role in family, church and society.
But let’s be clear about one thing: We had no right to palm off that responsibility.
The solution is very simple: Men need to be men again. They need to take up their responsibility the way God intended them to behave. And the church needs to re-learn how to help them do that again.
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